Why should sex be shameful?

Why should sex be shameful?

Men are allowed to feel sexual. It is seen as “normal” for men to “have a wank”, or have photos of naked women on their phones. It is expected that young men will watch porn. It is not shocking for teenage boys to have posters of naked pin-up girls on their walls. If a man has sex with a lot of women, he is a “player”. He is desirable. He is what other men want to be. So why is it different for women?

If you asked a teenage boy if he masturbates, the majority of teenage boys would say yes. It is normal. If you asked the same question of a teenage girl, the “yes” would not be so unanimous.

How many teenage girls even know how to masturbate? How to achieve orgasm? We live in a fake world where women of the porn industry have incredible orgasms from vaginal stimulation alone (or even anal stimulation!). So surely “fingering” is the way to go?

No. Stop right there.

Fingering is messy, and many girls find that a turn off. Also, the statistics don’t lie. Only a quarter of women in the real world will orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. So why would women want to masturbate when they are being given fake information on what makes them feel good? Girls – this is for you: fingering is not wrong. It is just messy, and not the most effective way for every woman. What most women need is clitoral stimulation. And not every woman knows that. As a society, before we even hit puberty, we all know how men orgasm. It is time for women to understand their bodies too.

The thing is, masturbation doesn’t have to be dirty, shameful or wrong. It is right for us to understand our bodies. Why should we go into sexual relationships without first understanding our own bodies and how they work?

And slut shaming. Why is it fair that a player is cool, that people aspire to become players, whilst doing exactly the same as a woman is something to be ashamed of? It’s an outdated attitude. We no longer live in a time where women are legal possessions of men. Where a woman is worth not much more than her virginity. And thank goodness for that. Thank birth control for the sexual freedom that women do have. But still, there is progress to be made. Sex should not be shameful. However, people should not be seen as sexual conquests either. We are worth more than that. So next time you hear a man boasting of his sexual prowess, but can’t remember the woman’s name, remind him that she is also a person. She is not a sex toy. She is worth being remembered for something other than her vagina.

And women are guilty of it too. To a lesser extent, but guilty nonetheless. And those women who are like that? They are labelled sluts. Not players. Not lads. Sluts. Slags. Whores. Tarts.

And pornography. As addressed already, it really doesn’t help the situation. Most porn is about men screwing women. Women giving men blow jobs. Women being screwed by multiple men. Because it is not sex. It is screwing. Sex is for mutual pleasure. This is a woman being an object for a man’s pleasure. Not all porn is like that, but sadly most is. How many women wants an “ass pounding”, or to “share a dick with another babe” or “feel  it in her throat” or have a “cum facial”? These are some of the most popular porn films. “Interracial gangbangs” and “double fucks”. Or even “milf is ready for two cocks” – seriously? People get turned on by the mention that the woman is a mum? There is something wrong with that.

So please porn, stop objectifying women. It is not normal sex. It sets unrealistic standards. It makes women confused about their bodies. It isn’t real. So why do we need it? Fine, have porn – but make it real. Make it equal.


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